Nothing feels right when i'm not with you

so depressed about my personal life.
which leads me to over eat and this is the most depressed i've been my whole life and i don't know how much i can take i feel like i'm going to fall a part for good.

I've cried everyday for over a month now. I'm not sure if things will get better. Sometimes things they get worst before they get better. and I wonder if there is still worst to come before things get better. I can't think about that right now. I need to focus all my attention on my weight and stuff.

okay so i'm eating less and working out more. but it sucks because if i have a day that i eat what i want then i gain like 1lb or .5lb

i feel like right now the only control i have over my life is my weight loss. I want my loss to mirror my life, if i can lose this weight then i can do other things in my life that i also want to do.

it sucks that when u make a small mistake and you don't know how much it's going to affect u'r life. right now i feel like life really sucks.

ok back to my weight i need to get down to 140lbs and i will be happy. i'm like 176lbs need to get to 140lbs...... 37lbs to lose.

nov 24-dec 31st 5 weeks to lose about 14lbs.
then i have all of jan to lose 13lbs and that makes a total of 27lbs
then feb 1=29 to lose the last 10lbs and i don't really have much more tolerance for trying after this march 1st is the end of all this. i'm so tried and i'm sick of waiting to be the person i want to be.
so anyways this is my powering through until march 1st 2009 and then maybe the summer i will wear that swim suit i always wanted to.

What I ate

Toast whole wheat
peanut butter
jam
yogurt
chocolate milk
Ritz crackers
chocolate milk

Seven days into November already

It's already a week into November. So this has been the most stressful few weeks of my life. I lost some weight because of the stress first starting off and now my stress is causing me to eat. I'm trying to control my eating and plus I have no money anyways for junk food.

I have problems in all areas of my life and I just need to work them out one at a time. I need to now stress about things I can't change right now. So right now I'm trying to find a job. Just a small stupid job I can do until I don't need it anymore and I can quit. But I really need the money. My internet is going to be cut soon. So if you don't hear from me in a while it's because I have no internet.

I'm hoping to hear back from a place this week, if not then I'm stuck going back to my old job which I hate. We need some stress gone out of our life so we can have some enjoyment.

Well back to my weight, if I get too stress to workout and eat right then I have a new problem on my hands and I don't want that. If nothing is working out in my life and I am slim then things would seem better. So I need to do this to help myself now and later.

I need to get back writing what I eat and what I'm doing. So starting today I will keep writing and if my internet gets disconnected then I will write it in a book and post it later.